"Do you know where we are?"
as I gently squeezed his hand a little tighter.
We were standing at the foot of the old abandoned lighthouse
which had been rendered obsolete years ago.
"Yes I remember coming here as a little boy
and loving our time together"
my husband replied in a weak unsteady voice.
"I was the self-appointed guardian of this lighthouse"
and he proudly continued
"I used to love when you and I built sandcastles on the beach."
".... but that lady wasn't your mother. It was me Roger - your wife."
Memories of places don't always jog the memory and this apparent conondrum
had my poor Roger very confused.
"Could we go over to the beach right now just like the old days?"
Roger seemed very excited in this one brief moment and then he quickly collapsed
into agitation.
"I think we should go back to the car now Roger before those storm clouds come any closer."
Roger wanted badly to reminisce a little bit more.
"The lighthouse! The lighthouse was fully operational back then when you and I
would watch the tide wash our sandcastles away.
Isn't that right mom?"
Tears began to stream down my face and I had to turn away from husband
and start walking back to our car.
Roger turned around ever so slowly to follow in my footsteps.
He clearly wanted to remain in the past. It was his comfort zone
and the future only served to scare him even more.
I stopped to look up one last time at the darkness in the lighthouse window.
My husband was locked in a dark place too.
He was unable to emerge from that void in his mind.
I tugged gently at my husband's hand again
and pulled him away from his deep thoughts.
Love is like a haven of light
and I was hoping Roger would recall this was the place
where we had spent much of our honeymoon.
Soon the lighthouse disappeared into the backdrop
as we drove down the road.
From the passenger seat my husband asked politely
"Mom, can we stop for ice cream on the way home?"
********************************************************************
as I gently squeezed his hand a little tighter.
We were standing at the foot of the old abandoned lighthouse
which had been rendered obsolete years ago.
"Yes I remember coming here as a little boy
and loving our time together"
my husband replied in a weak unsteady voice.
"I was the self-appointed guardian of this lighthouse"
and he proudly continued
"I used to love when you and I built sandcastles on the beach."
".... but that lady wasn't your mother. It was me Roger - your wife."
Memories of places don't always jog the memory and this apparent conondrum
had my poor Roger very confused.
"Could we go over to the beach right now just like the old days?"
Roger seemed very excited in this one brief moment and then he quickly collapsed
into agitation.
"I think we should go back to the car now Roger before those storm clouds come any closer."
Roger wanted badly to reminisce a little bit more.
"The lighthouse! The lighthouse was fully operational back then when you and I
would watch the tide wash our sandcastles away.
Isn't that right mom?"
Tears began to stream down my face and I had to turn away from husband
and start walking back to our car.
Roger turned around ever so slowly to follow in my footsteps.
He clearly wanted to remain in the past. It was his comfort zone
and the future only served to scare him even more.
I stopped to look up one last time at the darkness in the lighthouse window.
My husband was locked in a dark place too.
He was unable to emerge from that void in his mind.
I tugged gently at my husband's hand again
and pulled him away from his deep thoughts.
Love is like a haven of light
and I was hoping Roger would recall this was the place
where we had spent much of our honeymoon.
Soon the lighthouse disappeared into the backdrop
as we drove down the road.
From the passenger seat my husband asked politely
"Mom, can we stop for ice cream on the way home?"
********************************************************************