through the Alps
of my fertile mind.
A yodeler like her
was so hard
to find
and how Heidi
could herd a horny old goat
like me
was the stuff
they can't show
on prime time TV.
She wore hiking boots
and suspenders
to bed.
This would be a march
in the wilderness
where others fear to tread.
Her branding iron
left behind
a love tattoo
on my tiny behind
which said
"From me to you."
The collar seemed a bit tight
around
my neck.
By now
you would think
I was a nervous wreck
but I held my own
when she was herding
her sheep.
Everywhere she went
they went
too
although an army of sheep
appeared
out of the blue.
I said
"no way honey
this is where I sleep."
It's a bed
that I put together
for a party of two
but your muddy boots
have offered
an obvious clue.
If I am to make whoopee
with my
Little Bo Peep
I cannot be
in the presence
of those voyeuristic sheep.
By now her suspenders
had me
hogtied
while the sheep
started laughing
and hurt my pride.
"Baa-Haa, baa-Haa"
was their cold
cruel sound.
It shook me up,
I must admit,
as I called the dog pound.
"Please send the men
in white jackets
and take me away.
For Heidi's sheep
have led my imagination
astray.
If I've ever
had a nightmare
this must be it
with the ripe smell
in my bedroom
of all that sheep shit!
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